It has been extremely frustrating for me to feel as though I have done everything I can do in the classroom, only to feel nothing but failure - especially as many of my students are struggling in terms of grades. Even though I know there are things that I can be working on, I only have one set of eyeballs and they are squarely planted in my own head, face front, so it successfully keeps me from noticing my own behavioral patterns that could be revised most of the time.
Today, though, by sheer, dumb luck, I finally found something I can actually practically work on in the coming weeks. In my last hour class, Mr. "Smith" arbitrarily decided to stay in the classroom before I took the kids down to the library to work on their research papers. I instructed them to write down their topic, their argument (thesis statement), and three quotes and respective sources so that they can prepare to begin writing next week. A conversation ensued like this:
Me: It would be a good idea to use exact quotations to avoid plagiarism, instead of paraphrasing and taking the risk.
Student: What if you buy a paper online?
Me: Don't even think that that is an option.
Student: Well, if we paid for it...
Me: ...then it is still someone else's work with YOUR name on it, which will result in complete failure of this assignment.
Student: But if we PAY for it, it's ours-
Mr. "Smith": Stop arguing.
End of discussion. Because of this adorable little exchange, I have made the very productive realization that I often enable stupid, time-wasting dialogues like this one in the classroom, when I could just neutralize the situation with a quick "that's not an acceptable option" and move on. Such a simple problem that I could have been corrected if I had only realized it weeks ago.
I think some of the issue stems from a lack of established respect from Mr. "Smith" in the transition to me as a student teacher, but a larger part of it probably comes from my desire to legitimize student opinions and to validate their concerns, but that is only productive if it comes from a desire to learn. Regardless, now I know and I can be conscious of it in the weeks to come.
The other main thing I took away from this week is maybe a little unfortunate, but a bit of reality check. I am definitely starting to personally feel the grind of student teaching and it is taking its toll. I find myself getting more and more short with my students and less and less patient. It's not that I find myself being totally bitter and angry when I'm in the classroom, but I feel as if I'm approaching a boiling point. Example:
(Students are in the lab working on research.)
Me: Hey, what are you working on?
Student: Oh, nothing...we're just talking about how weird gay people are.
Me: Really? Why do you say that?
Student: Because it's just disgusting. I mean, why would you be that way?
Me: I don't know...why are you the way you are? Does everyone have to be just like you, think just like you, and live just like you do?
Student: Mrs. J, it's just gross. How is that not gross?
Me: (inside my head, very, very loudly) Why do you have to be such an incredible bigot? Do you realize that you are the reason that people commit suicide or suffer from depression...because people like you make people who are "different" feel subhuman?! You are the reason that everyone on the planet thinks Americans are jerks.
Me: (out loud) *sigh* Thankfully, you are not doing your research paper on gay rights, so for now it's not an issue. Get back to work, please and thank you.
I had a brief discussion with another teacher about it, and I was reassured that I am not the only one to feel this way. While I don't have any strong political or religious leanings, it's still SO frustrating for me to see the kids simply taking anything they see as fact without evaluating the information. As the teacher mentioned, a lot of it can be chalked up to youthful ignorance, but it is still so maddening to be unable to "do" anything about it.
Or, even more maddening, to feel as though you can't even address those subjects for fear of offending someone or having angry parents beating down your door.
So, I guess that is something that probably won't change regardless of my students or where I teach, but it's still irritating.
No updates yet on the positive reinforcement thing. I keep forgetting to write letters home to parents. I'll keep everyone posted.
No comments:
Post a Comment