Reflections on Week 9

I think I can, I think I can...

Almost there. In only two weeks I will be free - although I'll miss a lot of the kids terribly and the inherent intellectual challenge in teaching, this week has been a terrible horrible no-good very bad week. The best I can say is that I made it through the week alive, but that has, quite possible, been the greatest success of the week.

The best metaphor I could use for the week is that it was like running a gauntlet; every day there were new and...interesting...challenges to contend with. Most of these challenges stem from the fact that I have angered or am in the process of angering the following people:

1. My students

Contrary to my post last week (oh, Fate, how cruel you are) discipline is not getting any better. My three "good" classes are perfectly fine, with only the occasional off-topic conversation to deal with. By and large, those classes seem to be learning a lot from me, and being in the classroom is an absolute joy. The students are fantastic (even the ones who consistently give me trouble) and I wholeheartedly enjoy them as people and as students.

Then there are the "other" three classes. You know, the ones that caused my week to end in a phenomenal display of total emotional breakdown by sobbing for an hour on my sofa. Yeah. Those classes.

Discipline with these classes has snowballed to something that I feel is entirely beyond my control, especially with my 7th hour class. Although my 2nd and 3rd period classes are frustrating and talkative, I have enough respectful students in these classes to persuade them to behave for me. (Again, the quote from Dr. Shoffner: "You can't make students behave. Students choose to behave in your classroom." So incredibly true. My successes in terms of classroom management have all come from my occasional ability to tap into that motivation to behave.)

My 7th hour class makes me want to quit teaching and go back to waiting tables. With other classes, the number of disrespectful students is less than the number of respectful students and neutral students. In 7th hour, the odds are about 50/50 and the disrespectful students are the most vocal (literally and figuratively) of all my classes.

I also have one particular girl who thinks that it is ok to say incredibly disrespectful things to my face and then throw hissy fits in front of the entire class when I am able to call her out on it. She has a particular ability to undermine my authority in very subtle ways; on the surface, she's not doing anything "wrong", so I have no reason to write her up, but she has managed to turn many of her classmates against me.

For example, when working on the board having students create sentences with the phrases we have been learning, she opted to throw out a totally inappropriate comment (the pedestrian-variety "sex, drugs, rock and roll" type comment that every student knows not to bring up in a classroom, unless the discussion is initiated by the teacher. To be sure, I have discussed some taboo topics with a variety of classes from sexual orientation to politics to birth control effectiveness, but the initial respect for me and the topic must be present first and the timing must be appropriate.). When I called the girl out, she responded by reminding her classmates, every time I asked for examples, for the next two days, by saying "don't say anything "inappropriate", you'll get written up!"

While this is actually really good advice, her tone of voice and her insistence on saying it every time I asked for examples from the class at large made it perfectly clear that a:) she doesn't respect me and b:) she has made it her personal goal to influence all of her peers.

This is the same girl that I was shocked Mr. "Smith" hadn't spoken to (and wound up intervening myself) about her mission to ruthlessly bully another student in the class by mispronouncing her name and sarcastically reminding her (the other girl) how "cool" she was.

Needless to say, the classroom climate has degraded to the point where I dread it every day. It makes me physically sick. And since I can't control them, they take over and no one learns a thing. 2/3rds of the students are failing in this hour. Instead of taking responsibility for their own actions, they have been blaming me for their grades. A variety of students have complained about me to their counselor, principal, dean of students, and, most terrifyingly, their parents.

Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined that I would be "that" student teacher; the one who the kids hate and by all appearances is totally incompetent. This makes me hate myself, because I have no way of knowing how I can improve or what the heck I am doing wrong. Mr. "Smith" believes that time will cure it - that somehow I will magically make a breakthrough by "sticking it out". He also doesn't give me any constructive criticism, which makes me absolutely irate. In this case, time is almost beside the point; if I can't control a class after being in the classroom for eight weeks, I hardly think seven days will make a difference.

2. Administrators

Never in my life would I have imagined that I would be a principal's worst student teacher nightmare, but, apparently, I am. The Dean of Students (referred to as Mr. "Scarypants" in a previous post) is frustrated at the amount of detentions I issue and has told Mr. "Smith" that I need to tone it down.

In turn, Mr. "Smith" has told me to only write up students when absolutely necessary. So! The games begin. What should I allow in the classroom? The student who blatantly swears? The student who purposefully breaks a (washable) marker all over his desk? The student who accidentally hits me in the face with a pencil after being warned to stop throwing things? The student who brings no materials to class eight days in a row? Or the girl who constantly undermines my authority by being a total brat day after day?

Where do I draw the line? If I allow these behaviors in the classroom, everything will disintegrate into chaos. If I allow one behavior and not another, they won't respect me because I am not fair.

Yay. Quandary.

3. Parents

My stars. Parents. I have finally decided that parents scare the crap out of me.

I have spoken with four this week. Four. Four angry, angry people that are absolutely convinced that their child should have no more responsibility in the classroom than the desks they sit in. I appreciate their concern, but I am young and soft and vulnerable and dealing with a parent in the middle of the day will bring me to the verge of tears all afternoon. This conversation ensued:

Parent: Well, I am just wondering why "Josh" is getting a D in your classroom. He is a B student!

Me: He has several zeros in the gradebook for various assignments; if he turns those in I will accept them with a small deduction for lateness.

Parent: What is this "peer review" assignment? "Josh" just doesn't understand and has come home complaining about it for three days straight.

Me: Really? He hasn't said anything about that to me. The reason he has a zero is that he didn't come prepared on the day the rough draft was due and is therefore responsible for getting another students' paper and critiquing it.

Parent: Oh really. That is your job; how can he complete the assignment if he can't find a partner?!

Me: Unfortunately, I wasn't aware of the problem until now and could have helped "Josh" a while ago. Secondly, I don't have access to student papers as they save them on their own personal flash drives, CDs, and H drives on the computer.

Parent: That is just ridiculous. I have never heard of high school freshman doing peer review.

Me (sinking into despair): I think it is a good skill for students to practice - evaluating their own writing and blah blah blah justification for every flipping assignment the student has ever done etc etc.

Two more weeks? We'll see if I survive that long.

Reflections on Week 8

After a whirlwind trip across the four corners of the state to visit family and celebrate Thanksgiving, it's finally time to settle back into routine.

As for this past week, the reflection may be a tad short since the week was shorter and went by so quickly. However, I still have several observations, some that revisit familiar themes and some that are new. New stuff first!

1. For simplicity's sake.

On Wednesday, I committed a heinous crime that would make every professor in the English Education department roll in their future graves: I showed a movie in class to eat up some time.

Ghastly, I know. However, I decided that it was the best compromise possible, given the situation. With term papers due on Wednesday, I knew that the class would fall roughly into thirds:

1/3 of students will have papers printed, stapled, and ready to go at the beginning of class.

1/3 of students will need time to log onto computers, print, and staple final drafts.

1/3 of students will need the entire class period to finish their papers, print, and staple.

So! What to do? Many of the students who needed to print or needed the class time to work do not have computers at home, and therefore taking it as a late grade on Monday seems unfair. But I couldn't start a grammar unit leaving 2/3rds of the class behind, and I certainly don't trust the rest of them to catch up on their own, so it left me with few options. Here were my options:

1. Begin grammar lesson with the 1/3 of class ready to do so. Result: 1/3 of class receives grammar lesson, forgets it over break. 2/3 of class does not complete reading and homework to catch up to 1/3 of class and is behind at the outset of the unit.

2. Hold class in the computer lab to allow the 2/3rds of the class to finish up their papers. However, this punishes the students who were prepared by making them do homework (which no one had right before break) and then have to deal with them distracting the kids who need to work.

3. Have a movie day and begin grammar lesson the following Monday. All students start together and don't miss a period of instruction; no one is responsible for teaching themselves (especially since I have found from experience that this doesn't work too well).

Granted, I could have had the students who watched the movie (right across the hall from the computer lab - I drifted back and forth frequently to make guard against shenanigans) do some sort of analytical work for extra credit, but I was already up to my eyeballs in grading and didn't need anything extra at the moment.

Yes, it was a selfish decision, and no, my students' educational experiences were not at the top of my priority list. However, I am willing to admit it and I would guess that there are lots of people with similar experiences and motives. I am not Super Teacher yet; I haven't worked out all of the kinks with timing and due dates, so I resorted to a sweepingly rejected activity.

In all honesty, I wish I would have had the students who were watching the movie do something more productive, but realistically speaking, watching the movie was the best option I had at the time.

2. Discipline Issues

Things finally seem to be shaping up in terms of discipline, although I still have many moments where I feel as if I'm not in control. The students finally seem to be taking me seriously; it's just taken eight weeks to do it! Although I still have individual students who consistently give me trouble and a few that surprise me occasionally, the climate in the classroom is finally changing in my favor.

I think it largely has to do with the students finally getting comfortable with me as a teacher and as a person that they must deal with on a daily basis. I no longer feel as though the students are trying to get to me just to test the limits. Since they haven't been able to make me cry in class thus far, I think they are finally easing off the "let's make Mrs. Johnson miserable for making us work" game.

Naturally, I have some exceptions to the rule - like the two boys that arbitrarily changed term paper topics the day it was due and then complained that they hadn't had enough time to finish the paper - but by and large it's less painful day to day.

So there you have it. A short reflection for a short week.

Reflections on Week 7

On good things and bad things.

So! To begin, this week was much better than the past few weeks, thank heavens. Had it not improved, I might have lost my mind. The "bad stuff" has been so stressful and so...frequent...that it had begun to feel like a nearly physical weight. I would come back from school no earlier than 6 p.m., grade and plan, and then collapse into bed hating myself knowing I'd have to do it all over.

This may seem exaggerated, but it's truly the way I've been feeling. I toss and turn at night, stressing at what I can do differently to reach more students more effectively; I lose sleep knowing that most of my classes actively dislike me; I feel sick every morning knowing that half my classes are going to continually disrespect me to my face and, on top of it, not learn a stinkin' thing.

So. My frustration may have reached a maximum level, so for the sake of me completing my student teaching I am glad that I didn't push it any farther this week. However, the "bad" that happened this week made me come to a certain realization (perhaps that I already knew, in a way). Here it is:

1. My general students use that label as a crutch.

I think a vast amount of the differences I see between my Honors students and my General students comes from this tiny sentence. I have been consistently amazed/overwhelmed/frustrated by the motivation and effort that the H students display while the experience with my G's are the complete opposite. My H students work hard and are motivated to do the work I ask of them.

My General students are like anti-matter; not only do they not do the work, they will actively try anything to make time in class as unproductive as possible. (This corresponds to their attitudes as well.)

For example, while my Honors kids have almost all A's and B's, roughly 3/4 of all of my General classes are failing.

I have approached several different individuals to discuss the issue, and I get advice like this:

"Make sure they have time in class to do work."

"Do they know how they're being evaluated?"

"Don't give them too much work outside of class."

"Structure the class time very specifically so that students are on task."

This, of course, is frustrating when I have given one homework assignment in the six weeks I have taken over the classroom. I remind them nearly every day that I grade them (daily, for participation) based on their work ethic and attentiveness. I rarely give outside work, unless they are unable to complete something in class. I give them self assessments daily where they are required to write down a goal for the day to work towards, and their participation points will correspond to the effort towards that goal.

Even after following this advice, I still see stupid stuff like this:

Last Friday, I gave the Generals an assignment as they wrapped up their research for their term papers. They were required to write down their topic, thesis statement, three sources, and a quote from each source that they would include in their paper. This assignment was a quick, small point value "check" to ensure that students were on-track.

Because none of them finished on Friday, I extended the deadline to Monday...where roughly half of my students turned in the assignment.

Or, like yesterday...when I passed out the assignment sheet initially, in large, bold letters it said when the rough draft of the paper was due. On Monday, I wrote it on the board in giant letters and reiterated every day that their rough drafts were due on Friday.

Yesterday rolls around and roughly half of every General class is unable to complete the peer review because they don't have enough of the rough draft. My favorite excuse?

"We didn't have enough time in the lab to do this stuff!"

...after they had been in the lab for two weeks.

Sigh. The problem is, these students must be responsible for their own behavior. I simply cannot be sitting next to every student at every computer to ensure that the work is getting done. I would need precisely 23 more of me in order to do that.

What baffles me most is the students' complete lack of honesty when they look at their grades; none are willing to admit that they are failing because they don't read, don't study, don't use class time wisely, and don't take activities seriously. Somehow, it's all my fault. And while I'm willing to accept responsibility, to a degree, this is getting so ridiculous that I am almost beyond caring (and while I realize that that is a very harsh statement, that is really how I feel sometimes).

On top of it, midterm grades just came out this week and, apparently, confused the living daylights out of my atomically-failing students. One girl, a petite, tiny-voiced thing who is never on task came up to me in the hall and squeaked:

"Why am I faiiiiling this class??"

"Well, how did you do on your test?"

"Bad I guess."

"Did you turn in the homework that went with the novel?"

"Well...no."

"How are you doing on participation?" (Here, the girl becomes indignant.)

"Well I'm here every day!!"

There is this unspoken consensus that simply being in class equates to them passing, or that they are not responsible for their own behaviors. These kids are so incredibly embroiled in a school culture that allows them to read short stories with half their brain turned on, immediately take a quiz over it to assess low-level comprehension, and throw it out forever. Now, since I'm asking them to do "real" work and to be accountable for their actions, they act horrified.

What the heck am I supposed to do about that?

2. Having fun...for once.

I thought I'd document an actual, real-life success story with my teaching (since those are apparently few and far between). I know that designing activities is one of my stronger points, but this activity was just too good not to share:

My Honors classes' papers are due on Monday, and I left the Works Cited page formatting until the students had gathered all their sources. So on Thursday, I developed an activity to get them involved in creating a Works Cited page without boring them to tears or requiring me to need to know how to cite everything under the sun (I don't...when I need to know how to do something, I look it up).

On Thursday, I brought a bunch of random print sources from home; a couple collections of essays, a book of poetry, some fiction, some non-fiction, a magazine, etc. In the classroom, I had already brought in my MLA Handbook and printed off several copies from the Purdue OWL website. Here were the instructions:

1. Split up into groups (3-4 students/group).

2. When released, run up to the board and grab a book/magazine/etc. (the idea of physical competition in the classroom excites them to no end).

3. Write down on sentence from that specific text.

4. Using that sentence, correctly do a parenthetical citation.

5. After that, create the works cited reference for your source (using the MLA Handbook or style guides around the room).

6. Once you have finished, one person goes up to the board and copies it all down.

7. Be the first person to have the parenthetical citation and the WC citation done correctly.

It's amazing what kids will do when an activity is prefaced with the phrase: "The winning team gets candy." Of course, the entire class got candy for participating, albeit 75% off Halloween candy (what they don't know won't hurt them).

And, honest to gosh, most of their works cited pages look great!

Reflections on Week 6

A-ha! An actual productive reflection that focuses on a specific behavior that has been problematic for me that I can actually begin to address! Praise be. It's about time.

It has been extremely frustrating for me to feel as though I have done everything I can do in the classroom, only to feel nothing but failure - especially as many of my students are struggling in terms of grades. Even though I know there are things that I can be working on, I only have one set of eyeballs and they are squarely planted in my own head, face front, so it successfully keeps me from noticing my own behavioral patterns that could be revised most of the time.

Today, though, by sheer, dumb luck, I finally found something I can actually practically work on in the coming weeks. In my last hour class, Mr. "Smith" arbitrarily decided to stay in the classroom before I took the kids down to the library to work on their research papers. I instructed them to write down their topic, their argument (thesis statement), and three quotes and respective sources so that they can prepare to begin writing next week. A conversation ensued like this:

Me: It would be a good idea to use exact quotations to avoid plagiarism, instead of paraphrasing and taking the risk.

Student: What if you buy a paper online?

Me: Don't even think that that is an option.

Student: Well, if we paid for it...

Me: ...then it is still someone else's work with YOUR name on it, which will result in complete failure of this assignment.

Student: But if we PAY for it, it's ours-

Mr. "Smith": Stop arguing.

End of discussion. Because of this adorable little exchange, I have made the very productive realization that I often enable stupid, time-wasting dialogues like this one in the classroom, when I could just neutralize the situation with a quick "that's not an acceptable option" and move on. Such a simple problem that I could have been corrected if I had only realized it weeks ago.

I think some of the issue stems from a lack of established respect from Mr. "Smith" in the transition to me as a student teacher, but a larger part of it probably comes from my desire to legitimize student opinions and to validate their concerns, but that is only productive if it comes from a desire to learn. Regardless, now I know and I can be conscious of it in the weeks to come.

The other main thing I took away from this week is maybe a little unfortunate, but a bit of reality check. I am definitely starting to personally feel the grind of student teaching and it is taking its toll. I find myself getting more and more short with my students and less and less patient. It's not that I find myself being totally bitter and angry when I'm in the classroom, but I feel as if I'm approaching a boiling point. Example:

(Students are in the lab working on research.)

Me: Hey, what are you working on?

Student: Oh, nothing...we're just talking about how weird gay people are.

Me: Really? Why do you say that?

Student: Because it's just disgusting. I mean, why would you be that way?

Me: I don't know...why are you the way you are? Does everyone have to be just like you, think just like you, and live just like you do?

Student: Mrs. J, it's just gross. How is that not gross?

Me: (inside my head, very, very loudly) Why do you have to be such an incredible bigot? Do you realize that you are the reason that people commit suicide or suffer from depression...because people like you make people who are "different" feel subhuman?! You are the reason that everyone on the planet thinks Americans are jerks.

Me: (out loud) *sigh* Thankfully, you are not doing your research paper on gay rights, so for now it's not an issue. Get back to work, please and thank you.

I had a brief discussion with another teacher about it, and I was reassured that I am not the only one to feel this way. While I don't have any strong political or religious leanings, it's still SO frustrating for me to see the kids simply taking anything they see as fact without evaluating the information. As the teacher mentioned, a lot of it can be chalked up to youthful ignorance, but it is still so maddening to be unable to "do" anything about it.

Or, even more maddening, to feel as though you can't even address those subjects for fear of offending someone or having angry parents beating down your door.

So, I guess that is something that probably won't change regardless of my students or where I teach, but it's still irritating.

No updates yet on the positive reinforcement thing. I keep forgetting to write letters home to parents. I'll keep everyone posted.

Reflections on Week 5

Apparently, my entire student teaching experience has revolved around my adventures in classroom management and discipline. Of course, this blog would make it seem as though I'm a one-trick pony or a broken record that's stuck on "detentions", but the fact of the matter is that discipline and my classroom management style are the most challenging aspects of student teaching for me, so I'll run with it. (By contrast, I feel as though I'm relatively successful at designing activities, moderating discussion, etc.) For this particular episode, I'd like to concentrate on a few specific instances that happened in the last week.

Episode 1: Throwing a glass of water to a drowning man.

On Monday, I decided that it was time to stage an intervention for my 2nd hour class. To refresh your memory, this class is a class of 22 boys, several of which are back for the second time. Needless to say, the kids had expressed no interest whatsoever is reading our novel - especially outside of class, although that would have given me a significant amount more leeway in creating activities - so eventually I consented to have them read aloud during class. However, this is painfully slow and difficult to execute, as some readers are faster than others and many students simply hate reading aloud.

Did I mention this is a NOVEL that we just finished? A novel.

So. The stage is set: a classroom full of kids that are convinced or in the processed of being convinced that they hate school and hate English, a book that interests no one, and a teacher that has fought tooth and nail for every ounce of respect she can get (from the few kids that seem willing to give it at all). Over the course of the past several weeks, the climate of the classroom has become more and more volatile, and I have felt almost helpless to stop it.

Of course, with just a glance at last weeks post, you can see that I had finally hit a wall.

I had tried every trick up my sleeve - I reiterated my expectations and requirements nearly every day; I spoke with students individually and either praised them or expressed concern (depending on the situation); I assigned detentions; I raised my voice when the volume began to get out of hand. Nothing was working.

After being completely degraded and insulted by a particular student (in front of the entire class) in this class on Friday, I was done. I have been sick with a cold that refuses to go away for two weeks; I have been consistently short on sleep - especially with late rehearsals for the play; I had no more patience.

Drastic measures were in order. So I called in the Dean of Students.

After Mr. "Scarypants" addressed the students as a whole and, essentially, threatened them within an inch of their misbehavin' lives, the whole atmosphere has changed. The students began to take things a bit more seriously and are more motivated to work in class. The group of boys who like to stir up trouble and distract the rest of the class (the ones who consistently undo every bit of work I do to create an atmosphere where learning can happen as I do it) have been momentarily quieted, and I can go about my business. Of trying to actually teach them something instead of walking away exasperated every day.

Although the choice was an effective one (at least in the short term), I do seriously regret that it had to come to that. I wish that I had been able to find a strategy that would have corrected the problem without outside help, but it was a very rational decision and a situation that I felt was beyond my control. A professor who I respect very much put it this way: "You don't make students behave. Students behave for you." So, I feel that if the cards were stacked against me and the initial respect wasn't there, I didn't have much recourse. So, yes, I certainly feel that the students have been artificially motivated to do well in my class, but it may simply be a challenge specific to student teachers, as they are all well aware that my presence in the classroom is temporary.

Now, I feel that I've been given a new start, literally and figuratively, as we begin a new unit tomorrow.

A small caveat: I do feel that things might have been different for this class had it been "my" class, where I would have been given the freedom to select the text for the unit. Granted, I realize that there is no magic text that automatically engages students and makes them excited to come to English class, but the combination of the classroom disdain for school (magnified and exploded by the very vocal "problem" students in the class...not helpful) and the totally uninteresting novel was a recipe for disaster. Crisis narrowly averted.

Episode 2: When Life Hands you Lemmings, Make Lemmings Wade

Ok, so I have a weakness for the comic strip "Pearls Before Swine"...or just silly puns. Regardless, it applies to a certain incident that happened in my 7th hour class this past Wednesday, where I issued a dozen detentions in a single class period.

Yes, a dozen.

And yes, that title is intentional.

For whatever reason, this particular class seems to have no self control whatsoever. They are LOUD. So loud. Really, like a bunch of lemmings. They have no problem obeying my instructions...if they can hear it over the conversation they are having with their neighbor. I mentioned in an earlier post the difficulty of having a class where the majority of the students are acting up, and this is a perfect example.

On Wednesday, the cold was in full force and I had nearly lost my voice by the end of the day (although I hadn't been straining myself overmuch). I told the class that I wouldn't tolerate excessive volume that day since I couldn't shout over them to get their attention; I gave them their instructions, and informed them that a class-wide warning was in effect and that any student who was found talking would be given a lunch detention. In the time it took to walk around the room, 3/4ths of the class was engaged in very unproductive discussion. So, I called out a dozen names and that was that.

Apparently, Mr. "Scarypants" was not very pleased with me for all the paperwork I was having him do, so he took it upon himself - without my knowledge - to call in all 12 of the students together to have a little chit-chat.

And, yes, things have been much better since then, thank you for asking.

Tune in next week for more exciting detention-giving tales.

Reflections on Week 4

On parents, motivation, and getting help (and a celebration of the small successes).

Parents.

First, I'd like to reflect on my very first interaction with a concerned parent. (Ohmygoodness.)

I can confidently say that interactions with parents of students would rank at the top of the list of most student teachers' Ten Most Terrifying Things to Deal With. It's certainly on mine. Parents wield a great deal of influence - as they should - but the idea of being accused that you are doing something wrong is particularly scary. So far, I have made an effort to do activities that are helpful for students in terms of broadening their understanding of the text, interesting to them personally, and engaging. I have tried my best to keep all possibilities in mind and the best way to present the activity so that all students can participate fully.

About a week ago, I presented an activity that, in general, was a huge hit; I copied a template from a blank Facebook newsfeed page and then had the students create the page for a specific character from the text. The point, of course, was for the students to do a sort of character analysis and apply what they know about social networking to the character (i.e. what is that characters interests? Are they in a relationship? What music do they listen to? If they went to HS who would they be friends with?). I made it a point to stress those questions instead of insisting that they follow the template precisely, knowing that there would be some student unfamiliar with the medium.

However, when a parent approached me yesterday afternoon and said that her son was incredibly stressed by the activity and concerned, it completely threw me. I can't say that I was particularly prepared for a parent to approach me about an activity worth two points towards their overall grade! Luckily, I recovered from the stress-induced seizure quickly enough to explain to the parent the purpose of the activity, my methods in delivering it, and thanking her for coming to me with her concerns. All said and done, I think we both walked away reassured, happy, and relieved that the interaction had gone well.

Whew. That being said, I was thrilled with the results, and I was glad that my gut instincts had served me well (explain reasoning, express genuine concerns, address students needs, and establish lines of communication). In that sense, I think parents like the one that approached me can be an enormous resource that I am going to focus on tapping into in the next few weeks. I am strongly considering sending positive notes home to students who are probably not praised enough for their efforts and contacting parents of students whose performance concerns me. Too often, parents wind up fearing teachers because a call home is negative thing; instead of asking parents to work like law enforcement, I would like to think of it as asking for help from the experts. Who (theoretically) would know a child better than the parents?

Motivation.

Now that I have began to enter grades into the grade book, I can really see the differences in motivation from class to class. (Most of the grades taken thus far have been participation points; up until this week I haven't assigned too much outside work or assignments that are heavy on the points.) Naturally, the most obvious differences in motivation are from my Honors to my General classes, and those differences I feel I have discussed extensively in my coursework up to this point.

However, the "real world" consequences of these differences in motivation is extremely scary for me. Since my Honors students are so motivated by grades, assigning homework is simple and usually reflects the ability levels of the student or their level of comprehension (as it should). In my General classes, they are mostly motivated to "get through" the class and this week that translated into having about 1/3-1/2 of the students turn in an assignment that mathematically equates to about a third of their grade (although that will change in the next few weeks). Still, seeing the majority of my students failing my class because they didn't turn in an assignment that I extended the deadline for by 4 days is depressing at best.

So here is the conundrum: what can I do about it? I refuse to think that the General students aren't capable of the quality of work I expect from my Honors and that I should therefore "dumb it down", give less homework (I've barely given any!), and/or give more time in class for completing assignments (I gave them time in class that they could have chosen to use to work on it).

I have tried my best to take a relatively uninteresting novel, which I had no choice but to use, and expand it so that it could intersect student interests. Granted, I had anticipated that not all my activities would work and that some might fall completely flat, but to have so few students take interest in doing the work I require is disheartening.

Usually, I have been good at problem-solving and identifying potential solutions; academia was a sort of heaven for me. When applied to real-world problems with murky solutions (if there are any solutions), everything seems tougher. It's easier if I write about it, but even now it isn't yielding any solutions, so I will leave it so any readers that might have suggestions.

Problem:

3/4 of the students in all General sections are failing due to a lack of desire to participate in classroom activities or complete few-and-far-between assignments. This is partly due to widespread apathy for the content of the novel and also to a very chatty classroom climate. Thus far, activities have been difficult but not impossible to engage students; some have been successful, but many students are falling to the wayside. Since the students do not want to do the work, a significant amount of work is dedicated to classroom management, even after restructuring activities. You cannot be everywhere at once during class, so while one student is being helped the other 23 are actively making trouble. The unit is almost over; a major assignment is due soon and a there will be a test at the end.

What do you do?

Getting Help.

This also ties into the idea of motivation, but it more applies to myself. Most of my focus thus far has been student-centered, but I'd like to take the time to briefly analyze the experience's effects on me. Because I spend so much time absorbed in observing, analyzing, and attempting to solve my students' problems, I often lose sight of my own stake in the thing. I am always trying to devise strategies to deliver lessons so that more and more students are involved and interested, but I can occasionally get so hung up on the student end of it that I forget how much I can change myself.

At this point, especially given the situation described above, I need help. I cannot do this alone. Never in my life have I felt so strongly that I have no idea what I am doing or what I can do to help myself.

Despite a concerted effort to implement strategies discussed in previous classes that are grounded in solid pedagogy, my classes are still not engaged, motivated, or even passing. So where do I go for help? Yes, "venting" here helps; I can organize my thoughts and sort of debrief after a long week, but at some point I am supposed to come up with my epiphany of the week and include it.

Q: What have you learned this week that will help you to become a better teacher, Mrs. Johnson?

I don't know. I feel stuck, frustrated, and helpless. I read English Journal articles for help; I look online for resources; I briefly discuss issues with other teachers; I try to keep my brain engaged by working through my own problems.

Q: What will you do to change that?

I don't know. I know that there are no easy answers, but I need to find a forum of sorts where I can discuss possible strategies, or at least be able to commiserate with people who understand. I feel as though Mr. "Smith" is unavailable or disinterested, and although it may be wrong I tend not to approach him for suggestions.

Q: And how does that make you feel?

Terrible. I am isolated for six hours a day where my only interactions are with the same people that are my "problem". They also happen to be fourteen.

Q: So what is your next move?

This week I plan on focusing more on praising positive behavior so that students see I appreciate their hard work; I want to read several articles that address student motivation and performance and revisit books that address these same things. There are resources out there, but the process of finding them and then sifting through them is time-consuming and often the results are less-than-satisfying.

Small Victories.

Students seeking me out for questions or concerns. Students expressing their excitement over their writing assignments. Students conversing with me, concerned about their own abilities or behaviors. My wonderful experience with the students involved in The Pink Panther Strikes Again.

All evidence that, even though teaching isn't for those who desire instant gratification, there are lives being touched...

...especially mine.

To Be Continued.

Reflections on Week 3

It's hard to believe I'm three weeks in already; before I know it I'll wonder where all the time went and be in a cap and gown!

I do feel like I'm coming up a little short as far as material to reflect on this week, given that it was a three-day week and a rather unremarkable one in the classroom to boot. However, there are a few nagging questions and concerns that I have, but they may not be specific to incidents that happened this week.

First, despite my best efforts, I feel as though I am beginning to get discouraged with my mentor teacher's lack of involvement in my teaching. Mr. "Smith" is out of the classroom 99% of the time, which is nice since it gives me complete control over the class, but it also absolves him of the responsibility to comment or critique my teaching. There are things I think I can do better, but none of those things have come from his instruction or criticism; I have had to reflect largely on my own. I just wish that I could take full advantage of his vast experience and years so that I feel more prepared when I am faced with my own classroom.

On a similar note, I feel that his (what I perceive as) disillusionment with teaching and school-related activities has put me in an uncomfortable position on a couple of occasions. For example, after last Wednesday's bomb threat he gave me a ride home since I was unable to get back in the school to retrieve my keys and personal items. I found out later that I WOULD have been able to get into the school; in fact, they had a faculty meeting about the incident that we both missed due to his insistence on going home.

This Wednesday, we had another bomb threat and the same thing happened; I didn't have my keys and Mr. "Smith" insisted that he give me a ride home. I politely refused, given that my husband and I couldn't be without a car for four days and told him that I would wait on my own with the other faculty members until the all-clear was given. Thank goodness I did! There was another faculty meeting to debrief after the incident that we would have missed...again.

It's not that I am harboring bad feelings against him (I want to ensure that I make that clear!), but on the other hand, at times I am at his mercy since he is more knowledgeable about the procedural things that go on, and to miss out on those things...I can't help but feel that it isn't my fault. To me, his haste to get out of school and go home translates to an utter lack of excitement to be doing what he is doing; at times I feel like I am the burden he is forced to carry around ("Well, nerds...I'd really like to go home now but I've got to take care of this pesky student teacher...what do I do with her?"). So far, these end results of this behavior has only been minor annoyances thus far, but I am unsure how I will approach the issue if it becomes a greater obstacle.

On the other end of the spectrum, I was dead-on regarding my observation that my involvement with the drama program would be a real lifesaver for me. As time has gone on, I have become more intimate with all the kids involved and those that help. On Wednesday, the faculty members got special permission (remember: after the bomb threat) to help with the set and props and I had offered my assistance. Mrs. "Williams" and Ms. "Norton" have been wonderful in making me feel at home at the school and very encouraging.

As I suspected, the time spent painting, using power tools, stapling, and taping, was reminiscent of all the sleep-overs I had in middle school; all of us, including mans-man Mr. "Ferguson" nearly painted our nails and shared our feelings. Truly, it was a bonding experience (as cheesy as it sounds) and I don't regret that I was there until midnight in the slightest.

By contrast to Mr. "Smith", Mrs. "Williams" and Ms. "Norton" have made me feel as though I am a member of the team and a valuable player. During the course of the evening, they insistently demanded that I put my application in, as Mr. "Smith" and another teacher in the English department are/likely will be retiring this year. In the course of several hours in street clothes and without the pretenses of stuffy titles and last names, I felt encouraged and valued and believed in; without ever having seen me in the classroom, they saw a perspective and work ethic that they want on their team. This is incredibly encouraging to me, and I can't help but see it as the antithesis of the experience I had with Mr. "Smith" this week; that is precisely what I want and need as a student teacher!

Lastly, an update: I did give a myriad of detentions last Thursday for my largely-uncooperative classes, so we shall see what shakes down. Naturally, the kids were all but checked out by Wednesday with fall break on the horizon, but I'll be interested to see if the "I mean business" approach will have an impact when we come back on Monday.