I do feel like I'm coming up a little short as far as material to reflect on this week, given that it was a three-day week and a rather unremarkable one in the classroom to boot. However, there are a few nagging questions and concerns that I have, but they may not be specific to incidents that happened this week.
First, despite my best efforts, I feel as though I am beginning to get discouraged with my mentor teacher's lack of involvement in my teaching. Mr. "Smith" is out of the classroom 99% of the time, which is nice since it gives me complete control over the class, but it also absolves him of the responsibility to comment or critique my teaching. There are things I think I can do better, but none of those things have come from his instruction or criticism; I have had to reflect largely on my own. I just wish that I could take full advantage of his vast experience and years so that I feel more prepared when I am faced with my own classroom.
On a similar note, I feel that his (what I perceive as) disillusionment with teaching and school-related activities has put me in an uncomfortable position on a couple of occasions. For example, after last Wednesday's bomb threat he gave me a ride home since I was unable to get back in the school to retrieve my keys and personal items. I found out later that I WOULD have been able to get into the school; in fact, they had a faculty meeting about the incident that we both missed due to his insistence on going home.
This Wednesday, we had another bomb threat and the same thing happened; I didn't have my keys and Mr. "Smith" insisted that he give me a ride home. I politely refused, given that my husband and I couldn't be without a car for four days and told him that I would wait on my own with the other faculty members until the all-clear was given. Thank goodness I did! There was another faculty meeting to debrief after the incident that we would have missed...again.
It's not that I am harboring bad feelings against him (I want to ensure that I make that clear!), but on the other hand, at times I am at his mercy since he is more knowledgeable about the procedural things that go on, and to miss out on those things...I can't help but feel that it isn't my fault. To me, his haste to get out of school and go home translates to an utter lack of excitement to be doing what he is doing; at times I feel like I am the burden he is forced to carry around ("Well, nerds...I'd really like to go home now but I've got to take care of this pesky student teacher...what do I do with her?"). So far, these end results of this behavior has only been minor annoyances thus far, but I am unsure how I will approach the issue if it becomes a greater obstacle.
On the other end of the spectrum, I was dead-on regarding my observation that my involvement with the drama program would be a real lifesaver for me. As time has gone on, I have become more intimate with all the kids involved and those that help. On Wednesday, the faculty members got special permission (remember: after the bomb threat) to help with the set and props and I had offered my assistance. Mrs. "Williams" and Ms. "Norton" have been wonderful in making me feel at home at the school and very encouraging.
As I suspected, the time spent painting, using power tools, stapling, and taping, was reminiscent of all the sleep-overs I had in middle school; all of us, including mans-man Mr. "Ferguson" nearly painted our nails and shared our feelings. Truly, it was a bonding experience (as cheesy as it sounds) and I don't regret that I was there until midnight in the slightest.
By contrast to Mr. "Smith", Mrs. "Williams" and Ms. "Norton" have made me feel as though I am a member of the team and a valuable player. During the course of the evening, they insistently demanded that I put my application in, as Mr. "Smith" and another teacher in the English department are/likely will be retiring this year. In the course of several hours in street clothes and without the pretenses of stuffy titles and last names, I felt encouraged and valued and believed in; without ever having seen me in the classroom, they saw a perspective and work ethic that they want on their team. This is incredibly encouraging to me, and I can't help but see it as the antithesis of the experience I had with Mr. "Smith" this week; that is precisely what I want and need as a student teacher!
Lastly, an update: I did give a myriad of detentions last Thursday for my largely-uncooperative classes, so we shall see what shakes down. Naturally, the kids were all but checked out by Wednesday with fall break on the horizon, but I'll be interested to see if the "I mean business" approach will have an impact when we come back on Monday.
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